The President and the Children: Don’t Think First, Just Feel. Then Think.

There are pictures, and then there are photographs. And then photographs evolve to portraits, and portraits speak to identity and soul in ways that are irrefutable and powerful.

With every President of the United States, there emerges a portrait that speaks to the American people.  That portrait, that eternal visual of identity and soul, enters our collective consciousness and stays there.  It tells us who our President is, but also who we want and need him to be.

Marvin Eugene Smith recently shared this photograph of President Barack Obama on Faceboook, and added these personal thoughts:

See? We need more interaction like this between youth and their “stars.” Simple little gestures like this last a lifetime. Back in the day it was quite common. I’ve seen pics of Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Sugar Ray Robinson, Sammy Davis, the Temptations, Count Basie and many others doing the same exact thing. No need for bodyguards to brush the young people aside who genuinely love you.

Mr. Smith is an African American man living in Chicago, and the series of social media connections that brought the President’s photo to his attention and then to a friend and then to me was made up of other African American men.  Some of you reading this immediately will jump on the defensive and say it doesn’t matter that black men see a portrait here, but you would be wrong.  Yes, anyone can identify with this image (I do), but the fact that it resonates and brings to mind other African American men and women who became children’s role models and heroes is critically important.

Look at those children.  Look at that man. Let yourself feel what it means, what it can mean, that magic moment of connection that clearly flows both ways across the fence.  He understands what they don’t yet, that who they dream they can become and how fiercely they believe in that vision is the lifeblood of this nation.  They just touched a man who leads the free world and who, figuratively, could be their father, their uncle, their brother, themselves.

As a mother and a child advocate, I now call this my portrait of Barack Obama.

(We do not all share the same portrait as “The One” that explained things to us about who the person was or is, and how his individual identity becomes part of our national identity. But we all know “our” image when we see it.  Following are some of my favorites, what are some of yours, and why?)

This is my top Kennedy portrait (I like this one because of the youthful energy and optimism, as well as the Jackie element in the bottom corner): 

This is my top Lincoln portrait, or others showing him literally in the battlefields of the Civil War (though frankly, any great photograph of that awesome craggy face works, too):

The pain here in President Johnson speaks to me about the agony of Vietnam, and the grief of a man who wanted to lead domestic policy and found himself drawn into an entirely other world.

Fly Away Home

I was born in Charleston, West Virginia, over four decades ago. Before I was fourteen years old, I had been to Bermuda, Quebec, Denmark, Paris, Switzerland, and Germany. I attended college in North Carolina, and before I graduated I had back-packed Germany, Scotland, and England. I worked on Capitol Hill my first year out of college, and lived and worked in the international university community of Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill for 10 years before making a conscious choice to move back to West Virginia.

Simply put, I’m a big fan of West Virginians getting out before they lock it in.

I’ve puzzled for several years since my return over the hungry – yea, desperate – plea from some contingencies here to create an environment that children don’t leave. “If we only did this…….if we only changed that……if we had a…………then our kids wouldn’t have to leave home.” This is one of the most misguided philosophies I’ve ever encountered on two fronts.

First, kids are supposed to leave home. When you reduce it down to its barest elements, the whole ideal purpose of parenting is to raise children to a level of maturity where they can take care of themselves in their developing social, physical, intellectual, and spiritual spheres. Even when children have special needs, there is a feeling that the maximum level of independence and autonomy possible should be the goal.  To suggest that there is something unnatural or undesirable about leaving the nest is a bit smothering and insecure. One of the best things that can happen to a young person is to explore the world on his or her own terms. Whether you grow up in West Virginia or Tuscany, you need to deliberately depart the confines of your small, childlike world, and put yourself in the environment of newness, diversity, challenge, and change.

Second, from an economic development standpoint, we need less a climate of existing jobs than a climate of innovation to draw the people our state needs to blossom now; and yet we still have a strong dialogue here that centers on former West Virginians coming “home” to fill job vacancies that await them. The people I have in mind that will come to make their lives in our state are looking for opportunity to build, create, and innovate. I am interested in the minds that seek an environment that supports new business creation, not simply seats for warm bodies.

I propose we give the clutching after our offspring a rest. Let’s stop worrying about getting former West Virginians back, and start strategizing about creating a place where smart, motivated people who have grown through diverse life experiences want to work and play. With all due respect to those of us who grew up here, our birth certificates do not automatically make us part of West Virginia’s bright future. What will make us part of that future is our willingness to engage the world; to embrace new people and cultural elements from outside our borders; and to stop asking for jobs and start making them.

Oh yes. And our willingness to kiss our children on the cheek and wish them well on their own journey to whatever place – maybe ultimately here – that creates a sense of home and identity for them and their best lives.

This post is adapted from the original composed for “A Better West Virginia Challenge.”

Image credit: Jamie Gaucher

Saving Everyone’s Baby

Tiny Caylee Anthony is dead, most likely murdered at the tender age of two years.  It appears no one will be convicted of killing her, and yesterday the nation erupted in a self-righteous outrage I haven’t seen since Orenthal J. Simpson was acquitted of killing his wife Nicole.

I’ve come a long way in my thinking about these kinds of cases, about what “justice” has a prayer of meaning, and what the relationship is and is not between what is right and what is legal.  The jury verdict in the case against Caylee’s mother Casey stirred again my own questions about whether or not such a verdict demonstrates the greatness or the abject failures of criminal trial in the United States of America.

But rather than subject readers to what I think about our legal system, I want to issue a challenge to you regarding what I think about justice.

Justice for this child was lost when she died.  No one being convicted of her murder could possibly generate any outcome that would change the terrible, unthinkable death she suffered.  We seem to need to believe that it could, but it cannot.  Caylee is dead, her brief life taken from her in what appears to be a premeditated act of violence capping tremendous resentment by her mother of the attention and care she — as do all children her age — required.

I have strong beliefs about the conditions that should exist before children are brought into this world, and if by some misfortune those conditions are not in place when the child is conceived then we as a society need to step up our game around our commitment to creating the best possible conditions in a bad situation.  I hear too much talk about what parents deserve or don’t deserve, and frankly I don’t give a damn.

When an at-risk child joins the human family, that is everyone’s baby.

That belief is why I am writing this post today.  If we carry on one more day about how outraged and angry we are about the jury verdict, about all the vengeful thoughts we have against Casey Anthony, about how God is going to bring down justice on the killer and on and on and on…………we are part of why this child is gone and we lose one more day to save children like her.  And if you do not know, you need to research and know and understand one thing:  There are thousands of Caylees in this country right now.

Thousands.

We need to turn off Nancy Grace (and the rest of those who profiteer on moral outrage and grief) and turn on our consciences.

What will you do today to honor the life of Caylee Anthony and of every child?

My challenge to all of us who are pained by the loss of this child is to think about what role we each play in making this world a safer, better place for children.

  • Do you speak out when someone makes a joke about hurting a child, or do you stay silent so as not to offend?
  • When you see a parent at the end of his or her rope, do you moralize about what a bad parent he or she is, or do you offer a kind word of support for what they are going through?
  • When you have an extra $15.00, do you buy a bottle of wine, or do you put it aside and make an end-of-year donation of $300 to your local child abuse prevention organization?
  • Are you giving your free time to something truly important to you, like helping a church gather toys or clothing for families in need, or do you do something just for yourself?
  • Do you think sexually active young people should have access to contraception and are you willing to speak out for that, or in your heart do you think they “get what they deserve” if they “get/get someone pregnant”?

Sadly, children often bear the burden of “getting” what their parents deserve.  I’m thinking today about how to turn that around, and to care less about things I can’t control and do more about the things I may be able to influence.

My answers to the above questions, if I am fully honest, do not make me proud.  For the sake of Caylee and every other child on the verge of her fate, I’m thinking today about how to change my answers.

I hope you will join me.

Wabi-Sabi: “To My Fellow Swimmers”

Wabi-Sabi: Wisdom from the Elders of the Hopi Nation.

Sunday is a day many people spend in reflection.  I am grateful to my friend Jim McKay for the opportunity to read this Prophecy delivered by the Elders of the Hopi Nation on June 8, 2000, at Oraibi Arizona.  I plan to re-read it many times.  This week I’ll be writing about fear, and I found the words of Jim’s post flow well into my own thinking about that issue.

I started to write that “Jim is a tireless advocate for children,” but truth be told it is tiring work for anyone.  I admire his passion, his tenacity, and his ability to always reach back with a strong hand to help others find the resolve to do the right thing.

Thank you, Jim.  For everything.

Call and Answer

On an icy night this week I pulled into my driveway, exhausted, with an angry toddler in the backseat.  My child was what my brother-in-law calls “strippin’ mad” — that state of fury where very young children just start tearing off their clothes, throwing things, and running.

As I sat in the front seat trying to compose my own tumultuous mind, what to my wondering eyes should appear but the shape of my husband hurrying down the sidewalk to help.  I almost wept with relief.

He quickly opened the back seat and said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got her.”  “OK,” I said, “But be careful, she doesn’t have any shoes on.  You can’t put her down.”  He gave me a curious look and said, “I see.  It’s fine.  Come in the house.”

I gathered my last-minute shopping bags, purse, diaper bag, and what was left of my sanity and struggled out of the car and up the snowy walk behind my family.

It was then that I saw the footprints.

Merry Christmas to all, and may each of you find and offer selfless love, this season and throughout the year.

How It Stops: Some Thoughts on “Westboro Baptist Church”

“Westboro Baptist Church” is the name of a disturbed cult of a few dozen people.  They are not a church, they are not Baptist, and they are most likely severely mentally ill.

If you don’t know about this group, congratulations.  If you would like to learn about them in some detail, you might start with this link in the Huffington Post and then do some Google searching on your own.  I prefer not to link directly to any of the group’s websites.

I have seen this group do its thing in celebration of the deaths of West Virginia coal miners.  What got my attention above anything else seeing it “live” was the presence of children.  Weeping children are dragged along, forced to carry signs that say “God hates (fill in the blank).”  Because the children are with the WBC adult picketers, any negative energy that comes from opposition to the protest on the street lands like another crushing boulder on these young souls.

Keep in mind that WBC does what it does very well, and by design.  It is an emotional terrorist organization that preys on grieving communities and attempts to spark rage and backlash so as to further fragment fragile situations. 

Fragmentation increases the likelihood that people will turn on one another over the slightest differences or misunderstandings.  The first thing to do is have a moment of outrage in private with people you trust.  Get it out of your system if you must, but it is crucial to move on to a firm conviction that these people have no power, no authority, and no voice of significance about God, your loved ones, or your community.  They are themselves desperately in need of positive energy and even prayer for their well-being.

The children in the midst of the chaos need the most help.  However tempting, don’t engage WBC in anger.  The only way this ends, be it WBC or any band of disturbed hate-mongers, is to respond in peace and love.

Fake it if you must, but get it done in front of these kids.  That is how it stops.

Image credit: Pablo Picasso

“The Play Center”: Changing Children’s Lives

When I was a child, I grew up with Sunrise Children’s Museum. 

I remember the planetarium, when the room became as dark as night in the country and stars in constellations emerged as if by magic on the curved sky of a ceiling.  I remember leaning back in the tilted seat, my face unavoidably turned toward the heavens, and listening to Mr. Gardener speak the names of Orion and Pegasus and the Big Dipper, and then those same beings would appear as connected stars before my eyes.  He spoke of seasons, and change, and science, and the stars spun as he described the tilting of the earth on its axis.  Our moon, our solar system, other galaxies became realities for me as I sat there in the pitch black room, becoming part of the universe and listening to what seemed, if not the voice of God, the voice of someone who had an inside channel.

There were pencils in the gift shop with tiny geologic specimens in the tip.  There were animals in environments designed just for them in the basement. A woman named Loa Martin would hold a boa constrictor and let us kids touch it to understand that in fact, reptiles were not slimy, they were dry — dry and cold, because their blood was cold.  You can hear all day that mammals are warm-blooded and reptiles are cold, but until you put your hand on a boa you really haven’t “learned” it.

There was a sloth, “an arboreal and nocturnal animal,” who I only ever saw active on a tree and in a room lighted with an orangish-red light.  Why, I asked, is this room so dark?  Because this is nocturnal animal, it is only active at night.  Click……my mind got it.

I am grown up now, and so is the Sunrise Museum.  It is now the children’s discovery museum at The Clay Center.  Family members and very good friends have been employees there and volunteer leaders on its behalf.  I renew a family membership every year, and it has nothing to do with nostalgia (which I clearly have) and everything to do with opening the world of the arts and sciences to my child.

My little girl asks every week to go to “the play center.”  As soon as we are in the door it is, as they say, ON.  She starts with wind currents and balance, then moves to water and more wind and erosion.  She moves to magnetic fields and physics and how machines work; sound waves, animation, lasers, and exoskeletons.  She runs experiments on how feathers keep birds dry, sees the life stages of a butterfly, and marvels at the teeth still set in the jaw bone of long-demised deer.

I also support “the play center” for children other than my own.  A close friend told me a story about some children who came to the art portion of the museum.  This particular group of kids was from a county more rural than most in West Virginia, and there were children in the group who had never been up a flight of stairs.  One child shrank against the wall in confusion when she saw the winding staircase with its great wood banister in the original Sunrise Museum. 

Moments like this open our eyes to how much  of a life-changing experience a simple field trip can be.  Sometimes it is not even about the detailed experiments or art, it is the opportunity to see new parts of the world, parts many of us take for granted.  In this same group a guide asked the children about what they saw in a painting by Anne Shreve.  The painting was a still life that included a large frilly pink seashell.  The children were silent.  “What about this?” asked the guide.  “What do you see here?”  More silence.  Then an intrepid young soul piped up gently, “A birthday cake?”

Never underestimate what one visit, one opportunity means to a child.  Every day, lives are changing and opening to the world of arts and sciences…….and beyond.

Children of a Lesser god

Everyone knows the film Children of a Lesser god.  Maybe what we don’t know is how badly we need this movie to be remade, and soon.  When it is, I suggest the filmmaker branch out and replace the beautiful, intelligent, heterosexual and yes, deaf, white woman with a new character.  There are many lessers from which to choose.

I didn’t understand the title of this movie in 1986.  (Only just now as I write this post am I aware of the intentional little-g god in the title)  I had not even entered college, much less struck out into the world.  I still didn’t appreciate that, if not in acknowledged polite conversation, in real practice there are categories of human value.  I’ve since come to understand that these very real categories permeate organized society, and they are not just gentle whispers of harmless bias.  These categorizations are deeply rooted, and deep enough to nurture a mindset that separates some people from others as the flawed offspring of a higher power that is — well — not the higher power than made people who are made “the right way.”

In the broadest brush strokes, the Greater God says that men are better than women; whites are better than blacks; strong bodies are better than weak; young is better than old; and so on.  This week we were reminded that this “God” of categorization says that being heterosexual is better than being homosexual.

When one is in the “right” category, he or she enjoys a pre-paid subscription to a life of privilege.  In this life, a protective force field surrounds the person in a cocoon of social safety and opportunity.  The cocoon protects so naturally and so well, the person in it rarely even knows it’s there.  This oblivion partially explains why someone who fits the profile of a Child of a Greater God becomes confused and even angry when the lessers cry out in pain. 

What’s the issue, ask the greaters?  Why do you need special attention?  We’re all children of God………..

When you are a child of a lesser god, you know it.  No reassurances from the cocoon people can help you, because you know they don’t understand, not even a little bit.  Even the well-intentioned greaters are clueless about the realities of your life, about the death by a thousand cuts that threaten you every day.  The lessers are always on the edge, always.

A young man from Rutgers is dead.  He is dead because he had no place to be safe, no refuge, no shelter.  When you are not a child of a Greater God, no one rides in on a chariot of fire to save you.  Your god is tired, and discouraged, and sometimes even hopeless.  On the battlefield of life, you are lucky if your god even shows up.

It is imperative that as a society we do more to understand the subtle and powerful ways we isolate and devalue one another.  My movie remake will star a homosexual girl with autism living below the federal poverty level in Appalachia.

Who will yours star?

Photo credit:  Backyard Butterfly Garden