A Girl with a Gun by Devin McGrew

Devin was born in Charleston, West Virginia. She was raised in a farm house in a little town called Liberty.  At the age of eleven years, she moved to Sarasota, Florida, with her mother and stepfather.  A decade passed before she returned to her hometown in West Virginia.

Devin has decided to attend Marshall University to obtain her Regent’s Bachelor of Arts degree and then further that with an MBA.  She works with her father in his business, Don’s Plumbing, Heating & Air. She is a single mother to a beautiful daughter named Lauren. They live in a small town in rural West Virginia with their two dogs, Foxy and Molly.

In her essay, Devin explores how her life in Liberty influenced her lifelong passion for shooting guns.  I especially am grateful to Devin for her willingness to write openly about something many people outside of West Virginia do not understand:  A cultural significance to firearms that is both family-oriented and in many ways nonviolent.  There are different takes on the role of guns in society, and Devin’s honest evaluation of the strength, family history, and parental connection she inherited from having guns in her childhood will be an eye-opener for many.

A Girl with a Gun

BOOM!!!

My ears are ringing; the smell of gunpowder lingers in the air. It’s a beautiful fall day and there’s a nice chill in the air. I anxiously await the results of my shot. Dad trudges up the hill to the giant log we use to line the cans up for target practice. “Nice shot!” he says in his slow, deep voice. A smile spreads across my face. I notice he’s smiling as well on his walk back to the porch. He climbs the porch steps with ease using his long legs from his six-foot frame. His huge hand comes down to gently pat my back for a job well done.

I have Dad’s approval and that is all my little childhood self needs.

We must have been a sight on that porch, Dad standing tall, towering over me, and me gazing up towards the sky to look into his big brown eyes.  I often had trouble keeping up with him when we were walking together.  My little legs would be at a dead run to keep up the pace.  When holding hands, his hand would engulf my tiny one, and most of the time I would simply hold onto his fingers.  Dad is part Native American and definitely looks the part. He has dark brown hair, dark brown eyes and is somewhat dark skinned. I inherited the dark brown hair and olive skin from him and I often wore my hair in pigtail braids (a.k.a. Indian braids) as a child.

I was introduced to guns literally the day I was brought home from the hospital.  Dad took a picture of me lying on a bed next to a pair of binoculars and a rifle.  This photograph is now in a small frame on my bookshelf.  I realize now that this image might be quite scary to some people, this small infant girl lying near a firearm.  It was definitely normal in our household, however, and guns were not anything to fear.  They were simply an extension of who we were and part of how we lived, almost like family.

We used guns for both pleasure and survival.  We enjoyed shooting guns for target practice and to set-up contests to see who could make the best shots . We used guns to go out into our property to hunt animals so that we would have food on the table during both good and bad times.  There was no question about whether I would learn how to use a firearm when I was born.  Whether I was a girl or boy, it was happening. Dad definitely wanted a boy.  I mean what father doesn’t want a son?  Right from the start, I had a lot of proving myself to do for Dad.  Thankfully, I didn’t mind becoming a tomboy.

By five years old, I’d become quite the marksman.  My trusty .22 rifle didn’t have much of a kick to it, which is how I was able to fire off a precise shot.  The fact that we spent  most evenings on the front porch practicing also helped.  One of the joys of living on ninety-plus acres is that you don’t have to worry about your neighbors complaining.  The only ones bothered by our gunshots were the animals in the woods wondering if the shots were intended for them.

Liberty is located in Putnam County, West Virginia, and definitely is considered rural.  We lived on nearly one hundred acres of which about two were cleared off for the house seat. The rest of the property was woods.  The old farm house, where grandfather grew up, was located on the right side of the cleared property.  On the left side, he built a new house for his wife and kids upon moving them back here from Manassas, Virginia.  The old rutted driveway split the property.  We moved into the house after Grandpa died and Grandma moved away.  The road to our house was a gravel road barely big enough for one car.  Our nearest neighbor was about a mile down the road.

Ranson’s General Store was on the corner of the street by the post office.  Mom and I often walked down to the store during the day to visit with Mr. & Mrs. Ranson and to pick up any necessities . It was a small store similar to the ones you see in older movies. They sold the basics such as bread, milk and canned goods.  I can still hear the ringing of the bell over the old wooden door with the glass panels when you would enter.  Every time we went in to pick up something, I came out of the store with some sort of candy.  Naturally, I loved visiting that little general store!  There was an elementary school at the top of the hill off the main road. I attended school there briefly for first grade. The school was so small, they combined the classes there.  Kindergarten was on its own, first and second grade were together, and third, fourth, and fifth grade were combined.  Dad used to drop me off there around 6:00 AM on his way to work.  The cooks would unlock the doors for us and allow me to help them prepare breakfast in the kitchen before school started.  There was nothing else in Liberty except beautiful hills, friendly people, and the smell of fresh air.  It truly resembled Mayberry from The Andy Griffith Show, or even some places from Little House on the Prairie.

I spent most days playing outside from morning until dark. I had a swingset, a loyal dog named Ginger, and not much more but wide open space and a wild imagination.  Ginger was my sidekick.  My aunt Libby found her abandoned behind a 7-11 store.  She knew we had plenty of room for her to roam, so she gave Ginger to us.  We found out that Ginger was part German Shepherd and part wolf.  She was an interesting mix of animal for sure! I would sit up late at night and watch her howl at the moon from my window.  Most of the time she stayed near my window at night to guard me.  I truly believe she felt I was one of her cubs from the pack.  She never let me out of her sight and even made sure I stayed within my boundaries while playing in the yard.  When we took walks in the woods together, she would gently pull on my clothes to put me back on track when I wondered off the trail.

Our yard was so big to my childhood eyes that when I stood at the edge of the woods, the house seemed miles away.  Mom would often pack sandwiches, Kool-Aid, and snacks in my blue Tupperware picnic set and send me out for the day.  I would spread out my food under the big tree and share my lunch with Ginger, and then we would set off on an adventure created in my mind.  One day we were hunting giant deer, the next we were spies.  I kept myself occupied in my imaginary world until Dad got home from work.

Then it was time for guns!

I became fascinated with guns at an early age.  Dad had TONS of them!  There was an entire room filled with them in our house.  I was never allowed to go in that room or to touch a firearm unless he was there.  Of course, I always wanted to sneak in that room to marvel at all the beautiful guns. There were so many different types of guns and each one was beautiful in its own way.  There was the .22 rifle which was one of my favorites.  It had a sleek, single, black barrel and the wooden butt of the gun was worn from many years of use.  It seemed to fit like a glove when pulling it up to aim.  I was always responsible with guns.  Gun safety was crucial.   Every time we handled a gun, Dad spoke of safety and showed me how it’s done.  If there was ever a time I was unsafe with a gun, I knew there would be consequences, the most severe being that I would no longer be allowed to handle the guns.

Dad had quite the collection of guns, which combined the newest models with old ones that had been handed down through the generations.  There’s a story behind each and every one of those guns and he’s happy to tell you those stories.  Some are funny, some are bittersweet.  I love to listen to them time and time again.  One of my favorites is the .357 pistol which was handed down to him from his father. That gun was one of Grandpa’s favorites and he often carried it for protection when they lived in Manassas, Virginia. They lived in the inner city there and often dealt with people that weren’t the best.  I’m sure there have been many times that gun gave him a feeling of safety like nothing anyone can imagine.  Dad has it now and I’m sure every time he looks at it, he is reminded of Grandpa and how he would do anything to protect his family, just like Dad has always done anything needed to protect his own family.  That collection has grown over the years and he still loves to tell those stories.  Every time we are together, we always seem to make our way back to those guns.

These days I don’t have much time to spend with guns.  Other things always seem to get in the way.  However, my love for shooting has never faltered.  To me, there is nothing better than holding that cold metal in your hands and feeling the power released by pulling the trigger.  The sound, the smell, the end result of seeing your bullet hit the target is all so amazingly beautiful.  Each and every time I am able to go out and shoot, I am reminded of my childhood days.  The memories come rushing back to me:  I can smell the sweet mountain air of Liberty, West Virginia.  I can see Ginger lying on the porch watching us.  I feel the happiness of childhood.

Once again, I’m that little girl standing on the wooden porch at the house in Liberty waiting for Dad’s approval on my shot.

Rage and Reason: It’s Time to Talk

I’ve been avoiding writing about some very important topics well within the realm of this blog for a long time.  Why?  Because every time I start to put the words down, I have the most sickening feeling inside.  Tears turn into sulfuric acid and when I try not to let them out they drip into my stomach and rip at my guts.

I keep thinking surely it’s about to stop.  Someone is going to stop it.  But no one is stopping it, it is only ramping up into a greater frenzy.  These are a few headlines and signs that told me I have to write about this:

I am not about to stand up for prostitution.  I am not one of those people who views it like the overly-made up saloon workers from Gunsmoke just exercising their right to operate an atypical business.  If that is your image of prostitution, you need a wake up call.  Read the link to the last bullet point above, and you will have a nauseating insight into what prostitution is today.  If you think joking about pimps is funny, you have no idea what you are talking about.  None.

It’s past time for some frank talk about denial.  Men receive and appear to deserve the preponderance of blame for what is happening all around us, but no one is immune.  Plenty of women confess to using Internet pornography and there have been some high profile stories that became criminal cases of women putting their own children on the Internet and selling them to strangers for sex.

This is not about whether or not using pornography to manage your sex life is right or wrong.  That is a very complicated subject beyond this blog with so many twists and turns one could devote his or her entire life to it and never be done.  This is about facing the consequences of going down this road and dealing with it.

Being fascinated with looking at other people naked is pretty much ancient news.  It’s human, it’s normal, it’s no big deal.  Looking at other people having sex, while it’s not for everyone, is also something that is an established attraction for many human beings.  So far, nothing is really way out there, right?  It used to be that this interest had a fairly limited range of opportunity that kept it in check, so becoming obsessed with it was unlikely.  It had a place, that place was limited, and while it was omnipresent as a lurking interest it was a controlled if powerful instinct.

Enter the Internet.

What if a common but heretofore controlled human instinct were entirely unleashed in terms of access and frequency?  And what if that instinct could be harnessed to fuel an insatiable appetite that would drive an economic engine so powerful and lucrative that it would be limited only by your imagination and willingness to take new risks?

Wonder no more.  Welcome to the brave new world of online sex for money.

The “brain on sex” has been compared by neurologists to the brain on cocaine.  We are due for a serious conversation about what is happening to people’s minds in this new equation.  People on cocaine are not renowned for their thoughtful philanthropy and intimate relationships.  They are marked by paranoia, aggression, and singular focus on their addiction, usually to the exclusion of any concern for or awareness of the destruction they are wreaking on themselves and others.

The sex we are dealing with here is not Hugh Hefner’s sex.  There are no cute bunny ears and people over 18 years of age.  Frankly, one of the reasons I have not written about this is I do not really want to get into it.  It’s too upsetting.  As generally as possible I will say that I’m not sure I can even call it sex.  It is pornography.  It is self-gratification by the violent degradation of and dominance over, and in some cases killing of, submissive others.  And there is no more available “submissive other” than a child.

Right about now, you are thinking, whoa, slow down there lady.  I just pleasure to “porn.”  I’m not hurting anyone.  You are crazy.

What is crazy is the refusal to step out of a compartmentalized way of thinking in order to see what is as plain as day.  We aren’t just on the slippery slope, we are on a slope covered in grease wearing Olympic skis.

There is an old joke, “Everyone who drives faster than I do is a maniac, and everyone who drives slower than I do is an idiot.”  That attitude applies in many areas of life, not just driving.  We all look to our own “normal” to judge other people’s behavior.  But the trouble with this is that there will always be drivers going faster and slower than you do.  Don’t look to the outlying extremes, just look at yourself.

Believe me when I say, I am a typical person.  I am no better than anyone else and I am keenly aware of that.  Because I have lived in denial at certain points in my life, I recognize its reliable hallmarks easily in others.  They look something like this:

  • I can’t tell my partner about that because he/she would freak out.
  • I’m not doing anything wrong, no one is getting hurt.
  • It’s not illegal, so leave me alone.
  • What I do is my business.
  • I wish everyone would stop being so judgmental and irrational.

My call today is for all of us to step outside of the bubble and look critically at the roles we have in why selling children on the Internet is now an everyday occurrence — and by officers of the court at that.  We need to be more open about how we have allowed a generally safe and productive human interest to be twisted into a cash machine that grinds up marriages, partnerships, careers, and children’s lives.  It starts with doing one of the most difficult things to do — admitting that our choices are not necessarily benign just because we didn’t intend to hurt anyone.

We need to embrace the reality that what we intend to do really has nothing to do with what is happening.  You can be religious, or atheist, or agnostic about it, but we need to stop talking about intentions and start talking about results.  The result of what is going on now is an utter nightmare barreling along at an alarming rate.  It is screaming in the headlines.

Will we listen?