Dad—

BY LIZABETH YANDEL

Not all of this poem resonates with me; it is personal. And yet this last bit feels like something most of us know. Happy Fathers Day to all who celebrate, and to all who pause and remember.

We played catch in the yard
some evenings after work.
Worried I’d fuck it up, I tore
a piece of myself off each time
& threw it back as hard as I could.
I know now you were doing it
too: pulling off pieces of you
& tossing them to me, yelling when
I missed & a chunk of yourself
went skidding into the bushes.
One time a ball split at the seam
midair & landed splayed open,
its insides wound tight & messy
so that, when I pulled the string,
I couldn’t find a beginning or an end.

Reluctance

Today I read the Robert Frost poem, “Reluctance,” for the first time. Here it is in its entirety. It’s meaning for me will be forever connected to the context in which I encountered it, a mother’s reflection on this day one year ago. Thank you, Ruth.

 
Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world, and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.
 
The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.
 
And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question “Whither?”
 
Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?