Black Swan: Truth or No Consequences

Black Swan is a visually gorgeous and psychologically probing film.  It secures the archetypal female psyche for the viewer and vivisects it on-screen.  This painful and nearly surgical opening of classic female struggles and vulnerabilities make it disturbing and raw over and above any particular plot or character complexities.

I don’t agree with much of the film’s interpretation in other reviews, as most reviewers tend to just accept the two lead dancers’ characters as apples-to-apples stand ins for the plot of Swan Lake.  I didn’t see a lot of simple good and evil.  I did see a lot of complex desire and confusion.  There is a difference between fictional animals and  “real” women.

Note: I wouldn’t call this a “spoiler alert” exactly, but if you plan to see the film and want to go with a clean slate, you might read this post afterward.

Last year’s post What DO Women Want? looked at researchers’ conclusions that, at least when it comes to turn-ons, women want to be wanted; but that conversation was only about one area — albeit a significant area — of female desire, namely sexuality.  Black Swan climbs much higher up the totem pole of wants, and uses the juxtaposition of characters Nina and Lily to illustrate the depth of female longing for freedom from consequence.

Certainly, every person spends moments or even huge chunks of time wishing for the freedom to just do what he or she wants to do without having to worry about what comes next.  “Personal responsibility” is a modern catch term, and there are raging debates about and private businesses built on the idea that we can all make happen whatever we want to have happen.  Black Swan carves out something more refined, stripped down, and basic.  Via the culture of professional ballet, the film is a sharply crystallized reminder that women tend to bear a uniquely warped burden of perceived responsibility for everything in their worlds.

There is a fair amount of cliche, but that is exacerbated if you believe the main characters are truly light and dark.  The character of Lily is not “the dark side.”  I suggest the character does not even exist outside of Nina’s hallucinations.  The dead giveaway is her enormous back tattoo — does anyone seriously think a professional dancer would be allowed onstage with something like that in the New York City Ballet?  There are plenty of other signs.  Lily stays up all night clubbing, bedding strangers, taking recreational drugs, and drinking the night before she is on stage.  She doesn’t warm up before she dances.  She smokes.  She eats cheeseburgers.  She’s never really worried about anything, ever.  She leads an entirely stress-free existence.  She makes friends, ignores authority, and generally thinks life is a blast.

It’s difficult to pin this character as evil, unless you frame her persona as an extreme repression of someone else’s psyche.  Nina starts to interpret Lily as evil (“She’s after me!”) because she, Nina, is so far locked outside of her own sense of balance.  She’s operating in a world where she doesn’t know how to relax, even a tiny bit.  When she tries it, she’s tipped so far out of whack that she (if we are to believe hallucinations) attacks her mother, mutilates herself, stabs Lily, and generally loses her mind.  It is Nina’s unbalanced life that is the dark side.

Women still tend to be socialized to believe that we are responsible for an obscene amount of things that either don’t matter or that we never had anything to do with anyway.  Should I have eaten that cookie?  Did I hurt his feelings?  Oh, I couldn’t cheer her up.  Is my child smart?  I don’t work out enough.  That was the wrong thing to wear.  I should give more of my time.  I should give more of my money.

Maybe if I just…….

Black Swan is brilliantly constructed because it’s impossible for me to win the argument that Lily isn’t real, just as Nina can’t prove what she thinks is real.  The film perfectly puts me or you or anyone viewing it in the same position as Nina.  I can’t “prove” it via words on a page or screen.  But I know that most women struggle to put their lives in a healthy balance, to know what their own dreams are vs. the dreams they are living for others, and to spend just one full day not worrying about how they could have made life easier or better for someone else.

Oh yeah.  And to eat a big juicy cheeseburger and not care.

Images credit: Fox Searchlight Pictures

The Best of the Blog 2010: What Lit Fires and Stirred the Pot

Last year I ranked the “Top 10” Esse Diem posts by the number of comments.  I was still new to blogging and had did not have access to statistics that would allow any other evaluation.  This year, it’s different.  And more interesting.

WordPress provides statistics on the number of visits to the blog each day, and breaks it down by post and page read.  I’ve also started tracking how posts are shared on Facebook and Twitter, as well as keeping mental note of private email messages about posts that people do not necessarily want to comment on in public.  (Those stats are some of the most interesting, to be sure.)

Because there are so many different ways to evaluate a “Best of” list, this summary represents a combination of factors, from raw numbers to shares to gut instinct.  Different groups of people read different things, but the pattern that emerges is one of solidarity around an interest in people just being better to one another.  I could not ask for a more rewarding realization as a writer.

2011 will bring a new award recognition for West Virginians making a difference; another essay series; and a little more about sexuality issues, especially where they intersect with spirituality issues.

In no particular order, here they are.  Thank you for reading Esse Diem, and enjoy the 2010 flashback!

The Top 10 of 2010

What’s Mine is (not) Yours

WordPress has a daily feature called Freshly Pressed.  They term it “the best of bloggers, posts, comments, and words” and I wanted to be that.  After reading the qualities of blogs selected for this coveted status, I determined the one thing I wasn’t doing that I needed to change was to start using more original images and to make sure all other images were credited to their source.  This post kicked off a week of original drawings by my husband for the blog.  It was immediately selected for Freshly Pressed, and garnered 3,000 blog hits.  It also changed how I select and credit images on the blog.

Children of a Lesser god

I wrote this post after a student at Rutgers University killed himself when his roommate and one of the roommate’s friends broadcast the student’s private sexual encounter with another man online.  The suicide and what precipitated it were chilling, but the responses to the events were even more so.  One of the most disturbing pieces of fallout from this post was a lengthy Facebook thread that followed its reposting by an Esse Diem reader who tried to use it to launch a discussion about compassion, especially in his faith community. It was shocking to see the number of “Christian” voices who blamed the victim, and who attributed his death to a failure to exhibit confidence in (a particular interpretation of) God.  I was strongly reminded of Kiefer Sutherland’s character in A Few Good Men:  “Private Santiago is dead, and that is a shame, but he is dead because he had no honor.  He had no code, and God was watching.”  While I didn’t love what I discovered, I think it was important.

Twittiquette

I can handle disagreement; in fact, without healthy debate I start to worry if anyone is paying attention to anything.  What I don’t tolerate is reactionary disrespect.  Twitter has many positive uses, but it can still be used similarly to anonymous online comments by people who see “tweets” and hiding places for their attacks on other people.  This post was my response to one such incident, and it received a large number of shares and hits.  Apparently many people concur:  Twitter should be open for debate, but not for bashing.  The post made the rounds in the Philipines and beyond.  I now have regular polite exchanges with the individual involved in this incident, even though we still don’t tend to agree on much!

The Victory of Every Woman

The popularity of this post surprised me, but it probably shouldn’t have.  The title alone suggests a wide range of relevance.  Women with cancer, strained marriages, and parenting struggles connected and shared their thoughts and emotions about Elizabeth Edwards.  One of the most important honors I’ve ever had is to have this post featured on the home page of a married woman and mother who is fighting cancer with every fiber of her being.

C’mon.  Don’t Be a Hater

This was a popular post, but I chose it for this list because it was the real beginning of something I’d wanted to do for a long time, and that is say, “Enough already with the cowardly crap.”  Cowardly crap is my kindest and best term for when people refuse to identify themselves online but feel free in their anonymity or disconnection from others to attack people.  It goes on all over the world, and is especially rampant on news sites.  I got some pushback from some — surprise, anonymous — bloggers who disagree.  That’s fine.  What I also got was change in online policy comments in my local paper.  The timing was no doubt coincidental, but it was satisfying.  The whole series of events helped me upgrade my own online transparency; it is true that owning our words makes a person more conservative but also discerning in his or her expressions and choices.

Essays on a West Virginia Childhood

This was by far the most fun project on the blog this year.  I learned a lot working with people who spent all or some portion of their childhoods in West Virginia, and I am so grateful to John Warren, Amy Weintraub, and Lisa Minney for sharing their thoughts and memories.  We decided to break up John’s essay into a week-long series, which worked well for a piece that was both serious and complex.  My hope is that this project convinces others that writing need not be long or published traditionally to be shared and valuable.

We still have a few more writers in the queue, so stay tuned!

The Short Ladders

One of my personal favorites, this post is about the perils and pitfalls of extreme opportunity in my home state; I was suprised that the only comments it received on the blog itself were from out-of-state.  I did receive some interesting private correspondence, which I appreciated.  Apparently it struck a chord, just one upon which no one really wants to elaborate publicly.  We might work on that in 2011!

I Want to Be a Shepherd

Regular readers of Esse Diem know I try to work in Good Will Hunting whenever I can.  This post was originally just a quirky musing on an event a friend had with her child.  It turned into one of the most shared and read posts of the year.  The response to the idea that we can do more than be victims or predators in this world, that we can choose to take care of one another, was very special for me.

I think this blog has the coolest readers around.  Thank you again for being part of this work!  See you after the ball drops!

Image credit: Painting in Thailand