Growing Up Blind (part 5, After College)
Ironically, so many Christians befriending me in spite of my struggles had an effect they didn’t anticipate. I felt intense guilt for being attracted to other men, but I was greatly encouraged that there were people who knew the ugly truth about me and still chose to be my friend. There was a part of me that began to think, “Hey, if these people will still be my friend, then maybe this is not such a horrible thing after all.”
In the years after I graduated from college there were many times I felt that I had to choose between my faith and my sexuality, and for many years I chose Christianity. The prolonged conflict between these aspects of my personality, however, took its toll. At the age of 32 I took a job in a new city and took the next seven years off from church.
Today, I describe myself as an agnostic. My beliefs have changed, and I am no longer convinced that it is a sin to act on my sexual desires. I am now 42 years old and for the first time in my life I am ready to date someone of the same gender.
Whatever happens, you can be sure I’ll record every major development in my journal.
Image credits: John Warren