Being Human

You’re Not Really Real Sometimes. Really.

/ Elizabeth Gaucher / 2 Comments

Don’t overthink it – quick, what do Charlie Brown’s teacher, The Graduate, and Heavenly Creatures have in common?

Remember? It felt about as comfortable as this.

I bet you know in your gut, but if you’re like me you prefer not to think about it.  They are all connected because they portray — sometimes frighteningly and sometimes humorously — what it looks like and sounds like when young people don’t really see anyone older than themselves as real.

I first started thinking about this in an ongoing way after seeing Heavenly Creatures.  I was an adolescent girl once upon a time, and it was quite disturbing to evaluate my comprehension of what happened to the girls in the film.  In short, they become obsessed with one another and the world they create for themselves, and when their parents develop concern that their connection is unhealthy and try to separate them, one of the girls kills the other one’s mother.  The film is based on a true story.

As with any shocking tale, there were a lot of water cooler conversations about, “Can you believe that happened?”  But there were also a lot of private conversations between women who trusted each other about how, yes, they could believe it happened.  It opened up a whole dialogue about the dangerous capacity of adolescents to disconnect from adults, not just by going to their rooms and turning up the music, but by completely discounting the humanity and “realness” of those adults.

I had a lot of conversations with friends from my youth about our perceptions of the adults around us.  Unlike the movie – thank God – there was never any serious animosity toward anyone.  But there was this shared sense of not perceiving our parents and their friends as really inhabiting our world.  They were like satellites orbiting around us, and while we acknowledged them, accepted their offers of food and a ride to the mall, we didn’t really connect with them at all as truly part of our reality.

It’s very weird to reflect on that psychological place.  But you can experience it as an observer any time you are in a crowd of kids.  Notice how they make eye contact only with each other, how they seem to hear only each other, how you could swear if you didn’t make a fuss about it they would trample you flat as they walk in a group down the street……….

I love young people.  Remembering how I perceived the world then helps me not go bananas when they seem to not even see me, because in truth, they don’t.  And it’s not exactly a picnic for them either.  I think it just means we have to try harder to reach them on their terms, and to remember that we were young once too.

The Other Triple Threat

/ Elizabeth Gaucher / Leave a comment

In “the biz” a classic triple threat is someone who can sing, dance, and act — and he or she does it all quite well.  Think Judy Garland and Frank Sinatra.

He can sing! He can dance! He can act!

There is an evolving other triple threat persona in contemporary life.   The type of person isn’t new, but society’s interest in such an individual is gaining ground again, and not a moment too soon.  It’s the person who has cultivated intelligence, genuine humility, and what I call a constant fidelity to organic purpose.

Cultivated Intelligence

Fortunately there are many ways to be an intelligent person, but not everyone proactively manages his or her gifts.  This triple threat is every day focused on learning, improving, and refining what she does well.  It’s more than being “smart” — being smart is something that can rest alone with the individual.  Intelligence is a kind of connectivity to others and a pushing out into the world of an energy that says, “I can do more to understand how events, people, and ideas intersect.”  Such individuals are never ashamed or embarrassed to leverage this energy.

Genuine Humility

This is where so many people who might have a cultivated intelligence or fidelity to organic purpose fall apart.  Genuine humility means understanding in your core that you are not very important in the scheme of things.  It doesn’t mean such a person is never proud of himself or that he has nothing to offer, but it does mean he possesses a self-deprecating attitude that keeps him close to earth.  These people are always sincerely trying to engage the talents of others and rarely are threatened by or fearful of that process.

Constant Fidelity to Organic Purpose

As with singing, acting, and dancing, each time another element is added to the formula it takes a person into a thinner atmosphere.  How many people really connect to a purpose that is not manufactured or self-serving, but that is an authentic part of who they are?  And how many of those people can stay true over time to that purpose?  In addition, the constant organic element knocks out anyone living a compartmentalized life.  It means not having gaping canyons of inconsistency in different areas of one’s life.  There are many fascinating people who have a lot to offer the world but who crumble when it comes to constant fidelity to organic purpose.  No one is perfect, but it’s fair to say some people are less imperfect than others, and it really shows in this category.

So, who are these people?

I’m not sure they are famous.  They seem to be our neighbors, our family members, and our friends.  But I am always on the watch for them, and I hold even “famous people” to this standard if they want my trust in any way.  If they aren’t lying through their teeth about who they are, I suppose I don’t really care much one way or the other.  I just want enough information to make a decision about what to expect and/or avoid.

My sister may have had the best line of the whole idea.  She thinks Harry Connick, Jr., raises the bar to impossible limits by breaking new ground in a life lived on all 6 characteristics.  Could it be there’s a new term?  The sextuple threat.  Now that’s some thin air!