I keep threatening to write something rather lengthy and formal about intimacy. I’m not sure that I ever will, but I had an experience this morning that reminded me yet again how that kind of closeness and trust reaches beyond most other relationships.
The doorbell rang. A friend I haven’t spoken to or even emailed with in the better part of a year was on the doorstep. “Here,” she said. She handed me three different containers of alcohol. “I need to get these out of my house.”
You don’t have to drive to my house to get rid of alcohol. You can just pour it down the drain. Sometimes, a person drives to your house because they need you. They need you to know they are in trouble, and they trust you to help.
We have choices, don’t we?
We can accept things at face value, or we can choose to see what people are trying to tell us.
I need you.
I remember the line in the John Cusack film Say Anything, when the girl who broke his heart shows up and says, “I need you.” He asks, “Do you need someone, or do you just need me?”
She hesitates. I think she hesitates because she really doesn’t know the answer.
Then he says, “It doesn’t matter.”
Building intimacy is about letting it not matter. It’s about being there, without too many questions. Just be there.
11 thoughts on “Intimacy Musings: Being There”
Nicely said. I admire the person who had the courage to come to your house and admit they needed help.
I do too. It wasn’t a formal admission, but it was pretty neon sign-y. I have a habit of not “bothering” people about their stuff, I figure they will say something when they are ready. This doesn’t always work out, as I can appear unconcerned. But in my experience, until someone is ready, there is not a lot you can do. Thanks for your comment.
Clearly your friend knew that out of all the people she could think of, you would be safe and would not judge. That makes you a good friend.
Well, the kettle knows to take it pretty easy on the pot. 😉
what a blessed gift: her trust in you and the safe place you gave her.
I love this story.
The things we say and do let people know if we are the type of person who will be there for them, or not. This post makes me think about the image of myself I’m putting out there for my friends.
Also, here’s a number she might try if she does reach out again: (304) 342-4315
Karan, what is that number so people can know? Thanks!
Many years ago I told my best friend that anytime he needed it I was good for fifty bucks, he has never asked for it but knows I meant me and fifty bucks.
Sometimes, friends know one another’s code. I love it!